My Last Weekend

This will be my last weekend in England until next summer. Sad aint it? I mean, I am going home! I will in the USA in 4-5 days! in 4-5 days, England will be thousands of miles away and it will be a memory.

It hasnt really truly sunk in that I am leaving England in a couple of days. I am making all the necessary arragements, am going to have my cell turned back on, have the hotel booked where i am going to stay on tuesday night, everything like that. however...it doesnt feel real you know? seems like it's another trip that I am planning while I am here. like I am still going to be in England. I guess it's because I've been here for so long and because I LOVE England so much...seriously, this place is so surpassed my expectations and that is saying something because they were high!

last weekend in England. I am gonna go on a tour of Buckinham and Kensington Palace tomorrow(if my cell phone battery doesnt die during the night because that's my alarm) and maybe go see a movie at night. sunday, I am going to go to mornign service at Wesminster Aby in the afternoon, "Ripley's !believe it or not" in the afternoon and theatre tickets. that is my plan for my last weekend in England... until next summer of course.

Globe and St.Paul's

Today I went to see a Shakespearean play at the globe theatre. the play was Troilus and Cressida and it was so good! I had a hard time following the language but for the most part I understand everything and it helped that I looked up the plot before I went. I LOVED it!! I am officially in love with shakespeare! it was such a good play and I loved the words and the strong emotions the characters felt and...I liked the beyond reason emotions...the idea of feeling ur emotions, letting them grow as strong and take over you...not controlling them. I like that. granted showing how much a like a guy has always been my problem...i do it too much. I act too much on my feelings and turn them off. funny and ironic thing? when i did the opposite this summer...blew up in my face too. how;s that for irony?

I also went to the evening service at St.Paul's. it was a little strange seeing a woman as a priest but in a good way. just reminded me that there is no right way to do religion. maybe you cant "do"religion at all. maybe you can only live it. so doesnt make sense right?lol...the service was great though. it was just...amazing being under the dome, and when the priestest/president would speak it would seem to bounce off the walls! so different than at southern hills!

Last Week Begins...

as of today, I go back to Texas in 10 days. that is as long as my Europe trip was summer before junior year in high school. as I've said before, I have VERY mixed feelings about going home. I am looking forward to it, even have a countdown clock on my main blog that counts down when my plane leaves! I canNOT wait to land in Texas, in the USA, and then take a bus into Abilene the next day and see ACU...start settling back stateside and into my UP apartment, get all my stuff out of storage somehow...ride my bike again around campus...see all my friends! I cannot wait to see all my friends face to face again! I havent talked to them face to face since January! can you believe it?!?! I am really looking forward to seeing and talking to them again! I might cry when I see my really good friends. except for Trevor. he hasnt talked to me, even through facebook, since mid-april! how rude is that, everything considering. anyway, this time, he is going to have to come to me. I am SO through running after people. however, I SO dont want to leave England. it feels like I am leaving a part of my heart, of myself behind. I LOVE it here so much and I am used to England now. I would so stay if I had the chance.

ok, so I am tired and getting sleepy, so I will highlight some things I am planning on doing in London as my last week in England begins:

• evening service at St.Paul's
• play at the Globe
• Tour of Kensington and Buckingham Palaces
• Wicked(for the second time)
• Legally Blonde the Musical
• The Lion King
• Avenue Q
• tour of....well, too exciting to mention. only one person knows and he wont tell. but it is so good and Exciting! :)
• Westminster Abby Service
• tour of British Library

the ones in red have not been booked yet.

exciting huh?! final week in England :( :) I will be crying when I get on that plane! :( :( of course if this were a movie, I would find a guy and he would show up at the airport and ask me to stay....sadly, that is NOT gonna happen in a million billion years!!!! why not? because It's not.

still, I am coming back next summer to do Friends International and am moving here after graduation, so it's not as if I am never coming back you know?

CANT BELIEVE THE TOUR I BOOKED!!!!

I am so excited! why? because I just booked a tour that is so great I totally have to mention it on here. I really think this is something that not everyone does in London. I feel lucky to have even found out online months ago that they do this tour! The tour runs all year for UK residents but only August-October(2 months)for overseas visitors, and this year it is from August 3-October 3. since I leave August 5, I only had two days in which I could do this tour. I booked it for August 3, 2009 @ 3:30pm. it lasts for 75 minutes, which is kind of a long tour but not too bad and I KNOW it is gonna be amazing and mind blowing! I feel so grateful that they do this tour. that they give us this chance to experience it. I just have to print out my ticket, which shouldnt be too hard. they are plently of internet cafes around where I can print it out. it is one of the last things I am gonna do before I head back to Texas, so that makes it more special to me. I really hope they allow cameras!

I should problaly mention what this tour is huh? for some reason though, I feel like...keeping it close to my chest. for now anyway. once I do the tour, I'll write about. ;)

London So Far

One of the best things about staying in a city for a good block of time is that there is no rush to see everything. on out study abroad group trip this spring, we were in paris for 24 hours so everyone was cramming everything in! we saw so many paris landmarks in a day that it is all a blur almost! lol but staying in London for two weeks, I dont feel bad about having a day where I dont feel like going out but prefer to stay in the hostel, hanging out on the internet. I might go see this 72 minute movie at a cinema nearby, but other that that it is mostly in the hostel. I like having the time in a city to be able to do that. I know that I am supposed to be taking advantage of being here, and exploring it every chance I get,but I dont want to cram everything in you know? I want to go slow, take my time, spread it out. especially since I am on my own I would tend to get bored easily, so I want to take my time with things and go slowly so I dont do it all in a week and then end up bored the last week you know?

So far my trip to London has been really good! I met with my friend Wes yesterday and we hung out for the day! it was really really nice to not only see Wes(he's an awesome friend)but someone from ACU, from the life I left behind last January. it reminded me that I am also going back to something.

my friend Wes recommend the british museum, the national gallery, and to see a play at the globe theatre, so those are all things I will do. they're showing romeo and juliet at the globe thereate among other things, so I will definetly do that! also going to go see Lion King again and another musical I havent seen(maybe Avenue Q...suggested by Wes who went to go see it and loved it!!). I am also gonna do a Buckingham Palace and Kensington Palace tour, and go into Oxford for a day...eat at my old haunts...watch a movie...I know, super dorky, but it's something nice to do you know?I wont see England again until next july! such a long time....anyway, when the weather turns real nice I want to spend a few hours in a park or something, reading, journaling...writing poetry maybe. I havent written a poem in what seems to be forever. I used to write them all the time. I kinda stopped after the Trevor thing. I should start again though.

London is such an amazing city! there is something for everyone...city atmosphere yet small quiant little neighborhoods...open space...green space...museums...theathre...internationals....history...nightlife...an awesome transportation system...such an amazing city!! I am SO in love with it!!

The Beginning of the End...

I left Nottingham today on a (delayed by 10 minutes due to the train being re-fueled)12:10pm train. When I left Abilene to come here I was a little sad to leave my friends but mostly excited. When I left Oxford to go to Edinburgh, I was not sad but excited. when I left Edinburgh to go to Nottingham, I was not sad but excited. now, i was excited dont get me wrong but I was sad. I was sad to leave. it is such a cool city and I really liked it. and of course then there the friends I made. it was sad to leave them behind, knowing that chances are scary good that I'll never see them again you know? I already did a whole entry in my main blog about this after midnight so I wont go into it in this entry but I was so sad last night! I was crying even! can you believe it? I was crying over someone I really just me you know? isnt it funny when that happens? then again, there are people in the bible who only met Jesus for a few minutes and they loved Him. and the apostles? they left their entire lives and families behind for a guy that literly walked up to them one day and said "come with me." imagine doing that...meeting someone and leaving everything to be with them, because they asked you to and you trust them that much already. few people I would be willing to do that for.

anyway, I was sad to leave and still am. last night I was so tempted to just stay until it is time to go home but...Dr.Green suggested that I go to another city, to start over, and he's right. wish he wasnt but he is. scary to imagine I might never see them again...for one reason or another. I wish I could see into the future and know what's gonna happen, if I am gonna see them again or not; it would help to know. or maybe it wouldnt. I think it would but I could be wrong. it has happened before! ;)

I am in London and I am staying at the Budget Mapesbury Hostel. I was worried about what it was gonna be like, it is a hostel, but it is actually good! it is in this victorian style house, and my room is right next to the front door, so we are kinda away from the noise. it is a long stay hostel; you have to stay at least 7 nights, which is great! I am not sure if all the rooms are like this, but mine has a mini kitchen area(cant cook meals in there but you can make tea and toast and it is so great) a bathroom(small but it is nice and clean and I love that it is in the room!only have to share it with 5 other girls(I am in an female only room of 6) and my bed is the top bunk(i chose it)and right next to a window!there are in room lockers, which I problaly wont use except to maybe lock up my laptop, since I plan to take all the important documents(password, Social Security Number,etc)and items with me. there are 3 kitchens, which is way cool! I need to save money so I will go to pubs a lot(which are awesome!I LOVE pubs!)and try and buy some meals to heat up or something. the hostel has a living room area/lounge, which closes at 11pm but still, quite nice and it has a backyard too! :) with the english weather, doesnt do much good but it is still really cool!so far, this is the best hostel I've stayed at. granted there are no plugs near my bed and I dont know yet if my roomies snore or not(will find out tonight I guess) but it is only for 2 weeks and 3 days and then it is off to the hotel near paddington the night before I leave. for peace of mind, I would rather be close to paddington station(where I will take the 15 minute Hearthrow Express Train to Hearthrow Airport. it stops at each of the terminals, so that is so sweet!)so that the morning I leave I am not stressed about having to take several tubes to paddinton with my two monster suitcases,and I wont have to get up at 5am, but at 7am. lol..plus a bit of luxery on my last night in England in whihc I will be sad and devasted. not kidding. it will break my heart to leave England. :( :( I will post some pics of my hostel pretty soon, so watch out for them! lol...arent I a dork? so far, this is my fav hostel!

the plan for today is taking it easy. just gonna hang at the hostel and am about to go out to a nearby pub for some dinner. I thought of looking up historic, cool, famous,etc...pubs in London to go to. also going to some parks....the parks here are beatiful! and some musems(british museum of course and maybe a science one if I can find one)and riding the london eye again, go to oxford for a day...things like that. and of course blogging! I will have my phone on me and I do get lonely easily, so feel free to call or text me anytime. lol...

I am really excited about these few weeks. I found a website of 101 things to do in london, and it lists a lot of cool, cheap things to do. I have been to London and I love it, but it is not the same as staying for a few weeks and living here you know?experiencing it, day to day. kinda like meeting someone you like and spending time with them to get to know them.

ok, i am way corny! i am a romantic, what do you expect?

this is the beginning of the end.

ps, I actually found an english person who does NOT like tea!!! :0 :0 shocker, I know!!!!

love you and byeness!

"Straight Ahead..."

I know that my internship being cut off early is a bad thing but for some reason, it feels like a good thing! I am SO relieved to not have to be worrying about not having something to do or not talking enough or talking too much...I can relax. plus, I am so excited to be able to use my own laptop again and have 24/7 access to wi-fi! :) I can now write blog entries as much as I want, chat to people online...I could do that during my internship, but I was using my host family's internet so I never felt comfortable staying on for a long time you know?oh well. that is in the past now. time to stop writing about the past and people in the past and move on to what is ahead.

My plan is to stay in nottingham through saturday and then on sunday leave for london. I will stay in a hostel in london from july 19 to august 5, which is the day that I fly back to Texas. I will be overnight with my aunt and then the next day, august 6, greyhound it back to Abilene, Texas.

it is funny because I love England and the thought of leaving, of no more rain, pubs, cute accents, history,etc. is so so sad to me. I might cry when I board that 11:40am wednesday August 5, 2009 flight back to DFW. yet at the same time, I am so eager to get back to Abilene, to ACU, to my campus, and see all my friends,hang out, start going to southern hills again, even classes. since I changed my major(all but officially-have to wait until i am there to send in the paperwork) i am very excited about my classes for this fall and I know that this is the major for me. last monday, during the bible study classes, the guy sitting next to me was studying for this test he had that week or something, and he was studying his notes or something, and it almost made me cry! i know, very silly, but it made me miss stuyding and taking notes and going to classes....

today was a good day.I like the hotel I am at and I think that these next few weeks are going to be good ones. 21 days until I leave for Texas...3 weeks. seems so long yet so short at the same time. :) :) life is good, God is good, and I am going to be just fine :)

Circumstances Changing

no surprise really that they are sending my home. the supervisor himself said when he told me this morning(would have been easier to tell me yesterday, or the day they decided you know?kinda rude to tell me now)that I did make more of an effor this week, that I talked to people more but I talked a lot about myself and that it was not with the intention of communicating with people, more of a reaction to what he said. duh! wasnt that the point?! I honestly think that they were always going to send me home, that the whole "you have a week" thing was just to be able to say that they gave me a second chance. oh well. except for missing the friends I've made here, I am fine with it. I know that I tried, that I did my best, and this is not what God wants me to be doing anymore. God wants me to do the tourism thing :) lol... and I am not suited to work with kids and teens. I do better with people my own age or older, which is why I want to do friends international and work with international people. which is what I want to do, and will do come august: teach refugees basic english. I am excited about that. however unfair it is, because the other intern problaly did not do a whole lot more than I did this week, the difference being he hangs out a lot with the guy who gives him a ride to Ilkeston, and he is not living with the supervisor like I was, I dont care. why let them win? I refuse to. kinda stupid to except everyone to act the same way, at the same pace. and i did hate that "setting our own hours" turned out to be find things to do all week. and as great as the socializing was, it is not an internship. we did not do all that much actual work, were not in charge of anything at all,just...hopped on the train basically. passengers on the train. oh well. I;ll never see him again anyway.

i know...i am venting on this entry. but God knows best and...I am no longer under pressure anymore! :) :) and I did learn a lot and I made some good friends here(despite what the supervisor says). I wont apologize for my quiet nature and for not being like Curtis or other interns in the past. I love me, the way I am. and I did try this summer. I know I did, God knows I did. maybe not as hard as I could have, but I did try.

anyway, I am free. my dad is paying more than $500 for a 2 week stay in a hostel in london july 19-august5(day i leave for Texas) and I am paying for a week stay in a nottingham hotel(castle hotel,sounds pretty good and I get a family room to myself for £25 per night, so not bad) until sunday,july 19. so a week in nottingham, 2 weeks in london, and then back to Texas. that is the revised plan. I know it is crazy. why not just go back to Texas and then fly to NH(not New York as simon said; he doesnt know me all that well either huh? lol ). why spend all this money and stay. well, I love england and I planned to stay until August 5, and I feel like if I leave early now, on this conditions, then my time here will end on a sour note. I want to spend a good time this next few weeks, maybe do some tours, explore london, and go home happy and on a good note. my dad said once that my grandma used to say(something to the effect of): take it, but look them in the eye. I dont know how to explain what it means, but I know what it means. I am taking it. I accept their decision and i may not like it, but I accept it. however, that does not mean that I look down and walk off with my tail between my legs you know?I love England, and I want to stay the full time I said I would stay, even if the circumstances are different. i refuse to leave this country on a sour note and if i do now, i will spend weeks/months wishing i had stayed and being bitter about it. no, not gonna happen. and i am so grateful my dad is agreeing to support me in wanting to stay and is paying for it, even if it is tough on him. but i will get a job in the fall and pay as much of my own stuff as i can. in the end, I am fine with this. I trust God to do what it best for me. when something bad happens, you have to trust God. you may not know the reason, or think it is unfair, unjust and not something you deserve, but you have to trust God. simple as that :) I know...such a christian thing to say :)

Serious and Silly

just a super short entry here. since they treat to send my home(apparently i dont smile a lot, i am not making effort to connect with people, and my lack of conversations is offending people), i have changed my strategy. being quiet did not seem to work, so maybe the trick is to not be afraid to annoy people. so this week, i have tried my best to talk and talk and talk, to the point where i feel i am annoying people. maybe my idea of annoying is their idea of talk, normal interaction. so far so good, to me anyway. i thought i was doing okay but i wasnt. i will admit that i am a bit stressed, worried that i am going to get sent home, that every tiny action, every silence will get me send home,but i am trying to not let it take over. i am a little annoyed, but in this situation, i think anyone would be. if my grandma were still alive, and she found out that someone had hurt her beloved granddaughter, hurt her feelings, made her cry...wow! she would be on a plane over here, and hunt them down, and within minutes have them aplogizing. wish i had that kinda temperament sometimes. trying to lighten the mood :)

i am gradually getting more comfortable around the teens. i cant just jump into it like curtis; i am slower at getting to know people and relaxing around them. it is not a bad thing, and not a crime and nothing that i should be made to feel ashamed of. it is the way i am, the way God made me.

*lighter silly part of this entry*

if i did not know better, i would swear these people thought I liked David(profile: supervisor assistant. 19 going on 20. university photography student. silly. cannot sit still lol ) or something. yesterday(thursday) simon asked me in the car(curtis was there too) if i had found any guys i fancied(i love that english pharse: fancy somoene. sounds a lot better than liking someone)while I've been here, and I of course said no, and then he asked "no one you would like to go out with?"(he might have, i am not sure). i said no to that as well, and then he said: "david's single." please. so would not work! like a girl as shy as me could be with someone so outgoing and always on the go, cannot sit still. anyway, tonight at club one of the girls(Vicki) asked him(jokingly) "do you love millie?" later, in the classroom, being silly, curtis said "i thought you had a crush on david..." and i denied it, but he insisted, and then David, being David, got in on it, and it did not help that i started blushing. i blush easily. also, a few weeks back, a bunch of the teens, curtis and i, and jon were over at david's parent's house, and the subject came up then too! and they did not seem to believe me either. and beth(one of the club teens) said something on a comment on one of my facebook statuses, about me and david making a good couple. so not true! :) all these things were said in joking and being silly, not in seriousness, but the jokes must come from somewhere you know what i am saying? :) i really hope they dont think that. i am smarter than to start liking someone who lives in another country. wait, what i am saying? this is me...romantically challanged girl. no worries.

so far, i am liking it here, despite what they may think and i am putting in effort. we have 2 more working weeks, then curtis leaves on the 26th and that week until the 4th of august, i am a free agent. i might go overnight to wales or something. 25 more days until i leave to go back to texas. my life there feels so far away, as do my friends. and my therapy sessions. and trevor. sometimes, it is hard to recall being so upset last summer. like it was another girl or something. but i really do think i am over him and have accepted that it wont ever happen.

i am learning a lot about life here, though meeting people. they might no know it, but they are influencing me in a good way. ill write about it in my secret blog though :)

see y'all later!!!!

Quick Post

I have not blogged a lot this summer. i know, it does feels weird for me to not write an entry a day. still, it is nice to not be glued to my computer you know? I am leaving England in 32 days! scary isnt it?I feel like I have been in England for ages and ages, and it's only been since january. my friends, ACU,Abilene, Texas. my bike, LYNAY, Southern Hills,etc seem so far away!another life time. I am going to have to re-learn the entire campus when I go back. it doesnt seem like a big deal, but things change in a semester.

England, however, is so awesome! this summer has just confirmed for me how much I do want to live here. I can see myself in a lot of the cities here, but mostly London. I love London! so many parks, museums, theathres, and this blend of cultures. truly an international city. I love it!

as for WWW, I am loving it and am so glad I did it. however, next summer, I wont be able to do it again. I could, but I would rather do Friends International, and get my foot in the door for a job.so grown up! lol..me? grown up? yeah, right! :)

I have to go, but I will finish later!