Circumstances Changing

no surprise really that they are sending my home. the supervisor himself said when he told me this morning(would have been easier to tell me yesterday, or the day they decided you know?kinda rude to tell me now)that I did make more of an effor this week, that I talked to people more but I talked a lot about myself and that it was not with the intention of communicating with people, more of a reaction to what he said. duh! wasnt that the point?! I honestly think that they were always going to send me home, that the whole "you have a week" thing was just to be able to say that they gave me a second chance. oh well. except for missing the friends I've made here, I am fine with it. I know that I tried, that I did my best, and this is not what God wants me to be doing anymore. God wants me to do the tourism thing :) lol... and I am not suited to work with kids and teens. I do better with people my own age or older, which is why I want to do friends international and work with international people. which is what I want to do, and will do come august: teach refugees basic english. I am excited about that. however unfair it is, because the other intern problaly did not do a whole lot more than I did this week, the difference being he hangs out a lot with the guy who gives him a ride to Ilkeston, and he is not living with the supervisor like I was, I dont care. why let them win? I refuse to. kinda stupid to except everyone to act the same way, at the same pace. and i did hate that "setting our own hours" turned out to be find things to do all week. and as great as the socializing was, it is not an internship. we did not do all that much actual work, were not in charge of anything at all,just...hopped on the train basically. passengers on the train. oh well. I;ll never see him again anyway.

i know...i am venting on this entry. but God knows best and...I am no longer under pressure anymore! :) :) and I did learn a lot and I made some good friends here(despite what the supervisor says). I wont apologize for my quiet nature and for not being like Curtis or other interns in the past. I love me, the way I am. and I did try this summer. I know I did, God knows I did. maybe not as hard as I could have, but I did try.

anyway, I am free. my dad is paying more than $500 for a 2 week stay in a hostel in london july 19-august5(day i leave for Texas) and I am paying for a week stay in a nottingham hotel(castle hotel,sounds pretty good and I get a family room to myself for £25 per night, so not bad) until sunday,july 19. so a week in nottingham, 2 weeks in london, and then back to Texas. that is the revised plan. I know it is crazy. why not just go back to Texas and then fly to NH(not New York as simon said; he doesnt know me all that well either huh? lol ). why spend all this money and stay. well, I love england and I planned to stay until August 5, and I feel like if I leave early now, on this conditions, then my time here will end on a sour note. I want to spend a good time this next few weeks, maybe do some tours, explore london, and go home happy and on a good note. my dad said once that my grandma used to say(something to the effect of): take it, but look them in the eye. I dont know how to explain what it means, but I know what it means. I am taking it. I accept their decision and i may not like it, but I accept it. however, that does not mean that I look down and walk off with my tail between my legs you know?I love England, and I want to stay the full time I said I would stay, even if the circumstances are different. i refuse to leave this country on a sour note and if i do now, i will spend weeks/months wishing i had stayed and being bitter about it. no, not gonna happen. and i am so grateful my dad is agreeing to support me in wanting to stay and is paying for it, even if it is tough on him. but i will get a job in the fall and pay as much of my own stuff as i can. in the end, I am fine with this. I trust God to do what it best for me. when something bad happens, you have to trust God. you may not know the reason, or think it is unfair, unjust and not something you deserve, but you have to trust God. simple as that :) I know...such a christian thing to say :)