Serious and Silly

just a super short entry here. since they treat to send my home(apparently i dont smile a lot, i am not making effort to connect with people, and my lack of conversations is offending people), i have changed my strategy. being quiet did not seem to work, so maybe the trick is to not be afraid to annoy people. so this week, i have tried my best to talk and talk and talk, to the point where i feel i am annoying people. maybe my idea of annoying is their idea of talk, normal interaction. so far so good, to me anyway. i thought i was doing okay but i wasnt. i will admit that i am a bit stressed, worried that i am going to get sent home, that every tiny action, every silence will get me send home,but i am trying to not let it take over. i am a little annoyed, but in this situation, i think anyone would be. if my grandma were still alive, and she found out that someone had hurt her beloved granddaughter, hurt her feelings, made her cry...wow! she would be on a plane over here, and hunt them down, and within minutes have them aplogizing. wish i had that kinda temperament sometimes. trying to lighten the mood :)

i am gradually getting more comfortable around the teens. i cant just jump into it like curtis; i am slower at getting to know people and relaxing around them. it is not a bad thing, and not a crime and nothing that i should be made to feel ashamed of. it is the way i am, the way God made me.

*lighter silly part of this entry*

if i did not know better, i would swear these people thought I liked David(profile: supervisor assistant. 19 going on 20. university photography student. silly. cannot sit still lol ) or something. yesterday(thursday) simon asked me in the car(curtis was there too) if i had found any guys i fancied(i love that english pharse: fancy somoene. sounds a lot better than liking someone)while I've been here, and I of course said no, and then he asked "no one you would like to go out with?"(he might have, i am not sure). i said no to that as well, and then he said: "david's single." please. so would not work! like a girl as shy as me could be with someone so outgoing and always on the go, cannot sit still. anyway, tonight at club one of the girls(Vicki) asked him(jokingly) "do you love millie?" later, in the classroom, being silly, curtis said "i thought you had a crush on david..." and i denied it, but he insisted, and then David, being David, got in on it, and it did not help that i started blushing. i blush easily. also, a few weeks back, a bunch of the teens, curtis and i, and jon were over at david's parent's house, and the subject came up then too! and they did not seem to believe me either. and beth(one of the club teens) said something on a comment on one of my facebook statuses, about me and david making a good couple. so not true! :) all these things were said in joking and being silly, not in seriousness, but the jokes must come from somewhere you know what i am saying? :) i really hope they dont think that. i am smarter than to start liking someone who lives in another country. wait, what i am saying? this is me...romantically challanged girl. no worries.

so far, i am liking it here, despite what they may think and i am putting in effort. we have 2 more working weeks, then curtis leaves on the 26th and that week until the 4th of august, i am a free agent. i might go overnight to wales or something. 25 more days until i leave to go back to texas. my life there feels so far away, as do my friends. and my therapy sessions. and trevor. sometimes, it is hard to recall being so upset last summer. like it was another girl or something. but i really do think i am over him and have accepted that it wont ever happen.

i am learning a lot about life here, though meeting people. they might no know it, but they are influencing me in a good way. ill write about it in my secret blog though :)

see y'all later!!!!